how often do we take things for granted?
penny. sometimes, when we have loose change everytime we buy something, we end up taking them for granted. "oh, it's just a penny. just put it there, i don't think i'll need it for now." under the bed, innermost pocket of your jeans, deep compartment in your car, rock bottom of your purse or bag. but when you need them for bargains, toll fees, parking meters or even just those instances where a penny is just what you really need - you can't find them. and you mumble to yourself, "i wish i can remember where i'd put them".
where am i going with this one?
i might have taken a lot of things for granted in my life. i accepted the fact that there's no point of regretting and wasting my braincells with what-ifs, could have beens and if onlys. and yet, i still don't learn my lesson sometimes.
live life to the fullest.
so true. and yet, how do we define "to the fullest"?
how do you define that phrase?
for some, living life to the fullest may mean being able to enjoy the material possessions that they have. being able to appreciate what they have or even what they can do with their time. some define it as being able to be content and live it as if it's you're last day. no regrets. no hesitations. while some of us are hoping they are blessed with more money and more possessions so they can live life to the fullest, others define living life to the fullest differently. and sometimes, we don't have to go too far in order to realize and to witness it.
the next time I complain how it's same food over and over and over again, one of my patients has been on a clear liquid diet for almost a year with either coffee, milk or tea, chicken or beef broth, and some jello.
the next time I complain how I haven't been shopping for almost 6 months now, one of my patients has been wearing the same type of hospital gown for more than 6 months already.
the next time I complain how tomorrow's dayoff are full of errands, one of my patients just changed her code status to DNR, unsure if she'll still wake up in the morning.
the next time I complain how I have to have my quiet time away from my family, one of my patients has been longing to be with his family, wishing he'd get to spend every single minute with them.
the next time I complain how tired I am walking back and forth, one of my patients has been bedridden since he was born.
the next time I complain how my skin aren't as perfect as how I would like to be, one my patients are full of bedsores, bruises, skin tear and wounds due to multiple IV sticks and hospitalization.
the next time I complain of how I hate the weather outside, one of my patients wish is being able to experience how it's like outside when there's snow, when the sun is shining and when the leaves are changing color instead of staring at it from the windowpane.
the next time I complain how bored I am with nothing else to do, one of patients are exerting more than half of their energy gasping for air everytime they move or turn.
the next time I complain how challenging my life is, one of my patients was born with severe mental retardation. unable to communicate and ambulate since birth.
all of those patients are my patients today. they are the reason why i had an awful monday at work. because of them, i've spent more than twelve hours running around like chicken carrying out orders, giving out medications and cleaning up their mess. because of them, i've spent more than twelve hours at work without any time to sit down for even at least 10 mins. because of them, i wasn't able to take my break and eat any breakfast/lunch. because of them, i came home late. because of them, i am mentally and physically exhausted.
but because of them, i am emotionally and spritually full. because of them, i have learned how to appreciate more. because of them, i understood how to be content. because of them, i have come to love my job more. their simple thank you and their priceless smiles are far more than enough than i can ever ask for. because at the end of my workshift - when they're trying their best to say "thank you" to me, they have no idea i am the one thanking them for the difference they've made and the impression they've left behind.
so let me ask you, where's your pennies at?
five times fast
Monday, January 03, 2011
BECAUSE it is a CRAPPY start of the year.
and i am struggling.
Lord, help me.
i am BARELY hanging in there.
five times fast
Thursday, December 09, 2010
exactly at this time.
my heart was broken into pieces.
burning tears fell down my eyes.
a silent goodbye was mumbled.
a hopeful goodnight and
an "i'll see you sometime soon" became my ultimate wish.
exactly 8:30 pm.
as those teardrops fell down from your eyes,
you took your final breath.
and i was at the peak of such rollercoaster ride.
grief for such loss
yet relief for you are not in pain anymore.
heartbroken for a future without you
yet consoled for that blessed hope that i'll see you again.
depressed for such an awful goodbye
yet comforted for it's only a goodnight and i'll see you in the morning.
that was exactly a year ago.
12.09.09 at 8:30pm.
i HAVE BEEN struggling and only You know how hard it has been for me. i thank you Lord for You haven't given up on me. i thank you for surrounding me with wonderful people who haven't given up on me either. it's been a year and i think it's somewhat time to move on. so my prayer for tonight is help me to BE still and know You are God. if there's one thing i pray for the most, it's the peace of mind that passes all understanding and i know in my heart - i can only get that from You. i love you dear God and that's why i think it's time to let go now. please, don't let go. especially at this time. all this I ask in dear Jesus name I pray, amen.
"when the oceans rise and thunders roar
i will soar with you above the storm
Father, You are the King over the flood
so i will be still and know You are God."
five times fast
Friday, November 05, 2010
is it normal that as i was going thru photos at facebook, i saw my dad's picture during his wake and i suddenly muttered unguardedly, "wait a minute, where's my dad now?" then it took me almost 15 minutes to realize that he had passed away for almost a year now. it took me just about 15 minutes to encapsulate and reminisce everything that had happened to him since he was diagnosed up until he took his last breath right beside me up to the point where i threw my last rose down to his casket.
is it also normal that this is not the only time this happened?
now, is that normal?
God said, " Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."
i am claiming that promise now. goodnight.
five times fast
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
isnt always a sad goodbye
but a new hello. sure it has been a crazy ride but sometimes the ride itself isnt always the one you remember the most but how it was ended
then you ask yourself,
"was it worth it?"
what i think and what you think might matter.
but in the end of that whole conversation.
it's not just a sweet goodbye but a warm hello.
"HI, my name is Reine."
nice to meet you.
can i be your friend this time?
caffeine, please let me go. sleep is calling.
five times fast
A R C H I V E S
wasting my life away
C R E D I TS
the idiot who spent forever on this skin
this skin is proudly brought to you by